My family, quilting, gardening,
woodworking and friends
are all things I might talk about

Behind My Picket Fence.....

Monday, November 2, 2009

Faye’s Fables

It’s perfectly obvious to me that summer is over. Not that we ever really had summer this year. It seems as tho we struggled to get the old thermometer over 70 degrees. The lakes still had ice on them in July. Oh, I’m kidding. You can’t believe most of the stuff I write. Anyway, time to put away the shorts and sleeveless tops and the bikini. (ahem). See, now, that bikini is another of those items you might want to question the accuracy of.  I’m just sayin’.

A little side note here. A ½ hour ago I asked my hubs what he was making for supper (dinner to you people who think you’re so darn sophisticated) ‘cuz I was busy. He got a look on his face like he was actually thinking about it and said, do you want to go to town to eat? No, that’s all right I said. I’ll whip up a salad or something. So I headed back here to my best friend the computer and am typing away. The best thing about having a computer for a BFF is that you can ramble on forever with nary a complaint. (all my other BFF’s are depressed about the whole weather thing which I promised you I wouldn’t talk about anymore. So I’m looking for someone “normal” to talk to. Let me know if you think you fit in that category….) Well, after I said I’d make a salad, hubs came in the room and said “I thought you said you had work to do”!! Well, no, actually I said I was busy. Then the air turned blue and there was a whole bunch of stuff I couldn’t hear. OK, I’ll be back soon. How long can it take to whip up a salad? Never mind, I’m back. He’s washing lettuce! Who knew? God, this internet is great!

Now I can’t remember what I was talking about. Oh yeah, lack of summer and now it’s fall or maybe it’s even winter but I don’t know for sure.  Doesn’t matter. I don’t have any fall clothes. I’ll just pretend it’s winter, ok? With the change of seasons, it’s time to purge the old closet. There’s a key word in that sentence, but I’m getting there. As I’m pulling out clothes, I’m thinking vintage is good. Vintage sets a style. Vintage makes a statement. Sadly, vintage it’s not. This stuff is just plain OLD. Suppose I’d better check the shoes too. I’m busy rooting around on the floor and I feel a little nibble on my ankle – and no, my husband is making salad, remember? Sheesh. It’s little Baxter. “No, Baxter sweetie, mommy doesn’t want her little munchkin to chew on the shoes.” Wait. That’s the pair of hooker boots with the ghillie laces from --I was gonna say another century. Shoot, it WAS another century. Those boots haven’t fit me since I was sporting the Twiggy look. And if you don’t know who Twiggy was, you’re too young to be reading this. But, hey, that was another century too. OK, Baxter, have at ‘em. And BTW, speaking of shoes, have you looked at any lately? I wanted to buy some new shoes to fix the old “October Depression” which I’m sure is an actual disease written up by the USDA (United States Dept. of Agriculture. You didn’t know that?) In our nearby shopping Mecca, we do have a (as in ONE) shoe department. I searched high and low and I’ll be darned if I could come up with a cute pair. Is it just me or are they all ugly this year? A lot of them have the rounded toes and the strap across the instep. Seriously, those are vintage Mary Jane’s. I think they’re cute until I put them on and then I decide I liked them better on the display rack. And what does one wear for socks with those? I’m afraid I’d wear the wrong ones and make a fashion faux pas. (and I don’t want to hear any snide comments about farm women and fashion work boots. Don’t even go there.) And then there are the slutty shoes with 4” stiletto heels. If you wear shoes like that, I apologize for my remarks but if I wore them, I’d probably fall & break a hip! (some of you are laughing harder than others at that, but let’s just move along here. I don’t want to talk about it). And then there are all the athletic shoes and the earth shoe wannabees. But let me tell you girl, I saw the CUTEST pair of boots in a catalog the other day (which I’ve since misplaced. Or maybe the hubs had something to do with it’s disappearance?) How cute were they? $265.00 worth of cute!! Boy, I’d love to find those in my Christmas stocking. Or my stockings in those…..

Getting back to closet purging. I was really getting into it. Old, throw. Old, throw. Ugly, throw. Oops, too small, throw. You getting the picture? Stuff was flying and little Baxter was running around and jumping in the clothes pile like it was a pile of leaves. At this point, I know you can just feel where this story is going. And you’d be right. Just like good old Mother Hubbard, the cupboard/closet was bare. Nary a stitch of clothing left and on the floor it was only work boots and flip-flops. I thought cleaning would make me feel better. Sigh. You might remember me mentioning our 2nd annual harvest from hell? Maybe I should watch the old budget and NOT buy a closet full of new clothes. Hubs might, maybe & accidentally  happen to notice that. What could I do? I had to start putting things back in. There, now my closet is full and when someone says to me (which they won’t) “you look so nice today”, I can honestly say, “what? This old thing?”


I made this dress back about 1966.  (Another century, right?)

I gotta get some new clothes!!


I’m just doing my happy dance here because I get to pass along information about a Quilt Designer Blog Hop called Cross Country Christmas This link will take you to the blog of my friend Kari at New Leaf Stitches and she will have the full scoop. 

The hop will run from Nov. 9th – 20th and you won’t want to miss a single day.  Seriously, this is one of my rare “truthful moments”…..

There will be a different designer featured each day with a free project or themed story or recipe from each.  Let me tease you with names:

  1. GE Designs
  2. Pieces from my Heart
  3. Atkinson Designs
  4. Pat Sloan & Co.
  5. Anka’s Treasures
  6. Pam Kitty Morning
  7. New Leaf Stitches
  8. Whimsicals
  9. This ‘N’ That
  10. Miss Rosie’s Quilt Co.
  11. Rosebud’s Cottage
  12. Linda Lum Debono

Even if you’re not a quilter, you just might want to tune into this awesome hop.  It’ll be a blast.




Pat said...

Faye, I feel just like you do about closets. They can be downright scary!

Sigrun said...

I could have told the same story myself, but surely not as skilfully and humourously as you did. ☺☺☺

Holly said...

Dearest Faye!!!!
You bring great delight to this old girl!!!! How is it that everything was , shall we say, not good????? Funny how that works! Yes, it's that way for me too!!!! I think you should hem that cute dress, throw on some leggings and cute little black flats and call it good!!! Go onto the Anthropologie website and you'll see that anything goes! Just don't look at the prices!!!!
I put up a post with the "chick magnet" so you could get a peek!!
I think you look great!!

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

Oh Faye, I cannot read one of your posts without laughing out loud. We eat "supper" here in California too, but I get funny looks when I say it. I guess I picked it up from my parents and their midwestern/southern roots. I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini (no matter how small you are, 6 kids does not a bikini body make) and I'm with you on the 4 inch heels too. Thanks for all the fun.

Linda said...

Faye....I hear ya about the clothes!
Sounds like you were going through my closet. How was the salad?
Oh, you do realize that Twiggy is about Medicare age now, don't you!

Grammy Linda / Behind My Red Door said...

LOL - another fun post Miss Faye! And I knwo who Twiggy is - the bane of my teenage existance! When she was in style, I had a full Beyonce size figure. Now that Beyonce is in style, mine is more like Totie Fields. I can never get it right!

Thanks for reminding me, my youth was in another century... that explains the creak in my knees and the wrinkles around the eyes!

Carrie ~ Cricketwood Prims said...

Lol.....How true, How true!! I was doing the same this weekend and was thinkin it was alot like spring cleaning. I did find an old favorite flannel shirt, felt like Christmas...sad huh!! I think we have moved on to winter to after a short wink at fall..... oh my it was another century ago, that explains so much!!
Its always good to hear from you have a great week!!

Erin said...

You're not the only one. Two weeks ago, I wore a sweater that I've had longer than I've had Superman...and Superman and I have been together 21 years (married 20) - enough said!

Amy said...

Faye- one word about the shoes - (ok, that was probably technically two, but who's counting?) Free shipping both ways, so buy and try to your heart's content. I think they have just about every brand under the sun. I'm kinda partial to the Danskos, and the Naots, and the Borns, and oh who am I kiddin', I just love shoes. Can't help you with the clothes, but I feel your pain. At least you tried to clean your closet - I haven't even gotten up the courage to do that LOL!!

Tootsie said...

Oh girl...I am in tears laughing....Hooker boots??? OMG!
I just do not know how I ever managed to get through a post without adding the phrase "I'm just sayin'" by the have me doing it
I love reading your blog....I mentioned you in mine should slip on over in your hooker boots and see if you can find yourself! It is also kind of right in the line of what you might need for inspiration for your wardrobe issues! lol

bingo~bonnie said...

Funny you should blog about your closet clean out b/c a while back so did Bonnie Hunter of Quiltville... and I've since then been thinking about doing the same. Get rid of everything I don't wear or can't wear... which I'm afraid would leave me with next to nothing... which may not be such a bad thing -I could do all of my laundry with only one load! ;)

Love your blog, you crack me up :) and make me smile!

Love from Texas! ~bonnie

Tanya said...

Too funny! I'm right with ya in the clothes department. But I did find a fabulous blouse for $1. at a garage sale today. Looks like something straight from the Anthropologie or Tracy Porter catalog. There is hope!

donna said...

You are such a hoot. What fun to come here and read your blog.

My best friend is named Faye. No, you're not my best friend. She lives in TN. You could be my second best friend. Interested? least you don't have to accommodate bunions when shopping for new shoes.

That dress you made in 1966? Was it a home ec class project?

Luv your sense of humor.

Thistle Cove Farm said...

TOO funny, many thanks for the chuckles the several times I've read and re-read your post. It's been a week at Thistle Cove Farm and I've needed the smiles.
I've been doing to the farm house what you've been doing to the closet and, not only is it depressing, it's daunting and, seemingly, never-ending. UGH. I don't know enough people to pawn off this stuff; most folks have more sense anyway.

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

Hi Faye,
I just wanted to tell you that I wrote my latest post with you in mind :-) Well, what I mean is that you inspire me. I'm definitely not as funny as you, but my life has certainly had some funny moments! Thanks for all the inspiration.

Beth said...

You are a HOOT! I knew I could look to you for a laugh today.
We get all confused here in Indiana. Some people say Supper and some people say Dinner. I make it easy on myself and I say, "Ok,...sounds good. What time?" Then if it's noonish, you know that they meant lunch...especially if it's on a Sunday because anytime you eat a sit down meal on a Sunday, it's dinner. If it's "Goin' out to..." then it's also DINNER which could be the evening meal.
If we're eatin' at home and it's near six p.m. especially if we're having left overs, then it has to be Supper.
But when my mom says "Dinner" and I try my old stand by "Ok, what time should we be there..." She says, "WELL WHAT TIME DO YOU THINK DINNER IS?"
Ummm....don't answer. Just wait in the car until they come and get you. Start at noon. Bring crackers in case you get hungry and she meant SUPPER.
You don't EVER cross my mom...